I had a pretty good childhood up to about the age of 13, that was when
everything changed and all hell seemed to break loose. I am not going
to go into the details of what happened when I was 13 because it was
traumatic and may trigger some reading this. After this event my
step-dad and mom seemed to get very strict, locks on the windows, no
after school events, and no friends over at all. As I got older things
seemed to get worse with my parents and my anxiety, my step dad became
abusive and my mother tried to protect me but she wasnt there all the
time so when she was gone i kept myself locked in my room.
My
high school years were good, i was in art club and in chorus and had a
pastel i did win an award at a New York art show and made the all state
choir. From 9th to the 12th grade my step father continued to get more
abusive toward me to the point that I ran away and stayed at a friends
house until my mom fund me and begged me to come back home, I did and
things seemed to get a little better because mom quit her night time
job and worked days so she would be with me at night. He was still very
strict on me, I had to be in at 9pm including weekends and I wasnt
allowed to date. When I was a sophmore my mom bought me my first car
and i finally felt a little bit of freedom, and yes I took advantage of
it, I made excuses on weekends that I was going to stay at a friends
house but really I was out doing things I shouldnt be doing. My stepdad
found out what I had been doing so he took my car away and made me stop
all contact with the people I was hanging out with.
The summer
between my sophmore and junior yeah my step dad decided to give my car
back and I had learned my lesson and tried to do better. My senior year
was when things went down hill for me health wise, the Saturday before
senior week and homecoming week I had rented a couple movies and had a
friend spend the weekend with me, the next day we went to a local pool
that was only about a mile from my house, we had a great day swimming
and slirting with the guys there, around 5oclock my friend asks me to
take her home so we leave the pool and stop by my house to pick up the
movies so i could return them to the store, I take her home and then
stop at the rental place and drop the movies off and am on my way home,
I see another friend of mine at a gas station so i decide to stop and
say hi, i turn on my signal light and come to a stop because there is a
vehicle coming toward me, I remember waiting on this car and can even
remember listening to one of my favorite song on the radio, damn
yankees high enough, its amazing how we can remember the small details
like that, but anyway i'm waiting for the other vehicle and then the
next thing I know I am in a fog and in the backseat of my car, only the
car is on its top, I panic because the car is still running and I can
smell gas and the radio is even still playing. I look around and try to
find a way out but there isnt one so I kick the back door glass out and
crawl through the window, when I stood up I fell back to the ground
because my leg was messed up so bad.
I then run into the gas
station and I remember things being very blurry and being very dizzy.
One of my classmates come in behind me and I asked him what happened
and he said "I dont know Shannon" and then turns and walks back out the
door. I go back outside and my friend Bonnie runs up to me and grabs me
and makes me sit down before I fall down. Finally the paramedics show
up and I am taken to the hospital where I am put through all kinds of
tests. I was sitting in the ER exam room when someone comes in I look
up and it was the guy that had followed me into the store and told me
he didnt know what had happened, come to find out his dad had just
bought him a Porche and him and a friend took it on a test drive, he
was going out of town and wasnt paying attention to what he was doing
and hit me going 70 miles per hour in the rear of my car, my car
flipped and skidded about 50 yards down the road spinning on its top,
the seat broke and slammed me into the backseat, the hit was so hard
that my shoes were thrown off me and into the parking lot of the gas
station.
I got a lot of injuries from this wreck but the main
ones being torn ligaments in my knee and a dent in my skull from here
my head struck the windshield. The next morning I wake up and my head
feels very weird, feels like something moving around so I have my mom
take me back to the emergency room, when I get there the dr wasn't
concerned with my head he was concerned with my knee and took more
xrays and made me wear a leg brace, and sends me home. I knew there was
something going on with my head but didn't know what until the next
morning when I get up and go to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror
and my forehead was swollen down over my eyes and my cheeks were
swollen so bad I could hardly see, I also had two black eyes and a cut
lip. I had to wear the leg brace for three months and was put out of
school for two weeks and when I returned my leg and face were so messed
up that I would make excuses so I could leave early. Because of this I
have been afraid of driving ever since. For a couple years after that I
couldn't drive and had trouble even riding with people. I finally got
over that a little and decided to buy myself a new car but still had
trouble someday's with not wanting to drive it.
By this time I
had met Dave so I let him drive my car everywhere. Im still living with
mom at this point but I find out i'm pregnant so I tell mom and she
gives me the money to go to the health department and have another
pregnancy test which of course is positive. The following week is ok
but my stepdad still dont know im pregnant and one night he gets drunk
and starts cursing at me, I try to go to my room but he grabs my arm
and starts to hit me when mom comes in the room and sees him, she makes
him let me go and tells him if he lays another hand on me she would do
something drastic and then told him if I lost my baby because of him he
would regret it, he almost passes out because to him I was supposed to
be perfect.The next day my mom had to work over and my step dad starts
drinking again and cursing at me so I call Dave and he picks me up and
we stay at his aunts house, the next morning while mom and dad are at
work I go back home and take Dave and his cousin with me and we move
all of my stuff out and started looking for an apartment.
We
get moved in and my pregnancy went great, I had my son March 13th 2001
and got to take him home the next day. The morning after we cme home my
son had woken up around 4am to be fed and changed, I feed him and put a
new diaper on him and put him back into his baby bed and go back to bed
myself, while laying there my middle finger on my right hand goes numb
and i think it was just the way I was laying so I get up and walk
outside to smoke, the numbness moves from my finger, to my right
eyebrow then to my nose, then to my lips, then to my gums, then to my
tounge, really not sure what it was but after that my smile was kind of
lower on one side. Thankfully it never done it again. But about a week
later I was holding my newborn and I get very dizzy so I have to lay
down, a couple months go by and none of the doctors I went to could
find out why I stayed dizzy, it was so bad all I wanted to do was
sleep. Finally I go to the er and the er doctor refers me to a nose ear
and throat doctor. Apparently when I was in labor my nose started
running and where i was laying flat it went to my ears and caused a
double inner ear infection.
Things went good for a couple years
after that, me and Dave had a great relationship, our son was learning
things quickly, and we had taken a few family vacations to Florida.
About three months before my sons third birthday my son stayed at my
moms for the weekend. About 11oclock that night I get a call from my
step dad saying to call 911, there was something wrong with my son and
they didn't know what was going on, I think he is lying because it
sounded like he had been drinking until I heard my mom in the
background saying " Shannon call 911 now before its to late" I hang up
the phone with dad and call 911, about that time Dave returns home so I
run to the car and tell him we have to go to the ER. When we get there
the ambulance still hadn't arrived with my son and i didn't know what
was going on. We wait for about thirty minutes and I'm on edge the
whole time because I have no idea what could be going on. Finally I
hear on the hospital scanner " 2 year old white male, unresponsive and
not breathing" I almost pass out and Dave and my cousin run over to me
to help keep me on my feet.
Finally the ambulance pulls into
the parking lot and i run out to meet them when I see the paramedic on
the stretcher with my tiny son doing CPR. They take him straight back
to an exam room and wont let me in and I can still remember sliding
down the wall and just watching in terror as doctors and nurses run in
and out of his room. I stood up and looked through the door at what was
going on and my sons little face was so blue and his little body was
lifeless, a nurse turned around and seen me standing there and asked
another nurse to talk to me. About that time my aunt arrives and right
behind her was a Preacher that the hospital had called in for any last
requests we may have for our son. He comes over to me and takes my
hands and introduces himself then says "Shannon it isnt looking to good
and the hospital has called me in to see if you would like for me to
say a Prayer for your son" at this time a lot of our friends and family
were at the hospital so we held hands in a circle and said a prayer for
my tiny son who was fighting for his life. When we finish with the
prayer the preacher walks back to my sons room and the hospital staff
finally lets me in to see him. I was terrifying to see him laying in
the bed with wires and machines hooked to him, all I wanted to do was
hold him and kiss him but at the same time i was afraid to even touch
him.
I bend over and kiss him on the forehead and play with
his baby fine hair and beg him to come back to mommy. We sit there for
what seems like hours when the doctor finally comes in and tells me
there is nothing more they could do for him that he needed to be air
lifted to a children s hospital about 200 miles away. When the
helicopter finally arrives at the hospital to transport him I hold his
hand and follow them as far as I can until I have to say goodbye to him
and to wait for mommy that she will be right behind him. The helicopter
leaves and we run to our vehicles not even going home long enough to
change clothes or grab anything else we may need, at this point nothing
else is important except getting to my baby.
It takes us about
three hours to arrive at the hospital and when we get there another
Preacher meets us at the emergency room doors, he take my hand and
Daves hand leads us back to where my son is and to my wonderful
surprise he has his big blue eyes open. He was very weak but when he
say mommy and daddy he smiled and it warmed my heart and I bust out
crying, everything I held in was coming out right then. The hospital
then transports him to another hospital where there is an NICU and he
stays there for a night then we get to take him home.
He did
good for about three months, no seizures, then one noght he goes down
to Daves mom and dad's for the night. Again i get a phone call to come
to the hospital that he was having another seizure. This one wasn't as
bad as the first but he still had to be transported back to the same
children s hospital he was transferred to the first time. We follow the
ambulance to the hospital and they immediately take him in for testing,
they raan every test available and found nothing. A neurologist was
called in and he ran all kinds of head scans, eegs, and MRIs but still
nothing showed up. He puts him on anti seizure meds and we go home the
next day. It has been 4 years and thank goodness he hasn't had another
one but since then his speech has slowed and he has developed some
learning disability's. I am so thankful to have him in my life and for
being able to see his sweet smile everyday, he is what I fight for.
For
the next couple years things start getting back to normal, me and Dave
had a good relationship and our son was growing and had started school.
Then out of the blue mine and Daves relationship seemed to change, he
stayed out all night, he wouldnt kiss me or even touch me. I knew
something was ging on and asked him over and over but he always said
nothing was going on. One day in August he comes home and I had to go
to his mom and dads to get some things for Jr, while im there Dave
calls and asks me to hurry that he needed to talk to me. I go back home
and he tells me to sit down but i refused to, he looks at me and says "
I have another child on the way". I totally lose it and run out of the
house back down to his parents house. When I get there I run into there
house and Daves mom tries to calm me down while his dad calls dave and
tells him to get down there. At that time i feel like things are moving
around in my head and I start to panic, daves mom gives me a Valium.
When Dave gets to his parents house he give me the perfect excuse to
confront the woman he had slept with. I go out of the house and down
the driveway when Daves mom asks me to stop, I tell her she will hear
what I have to say then next was Daves turn.
His mom follows
me to where she was staying and when I get there I knock on the door
but nobody will answer but I know they are there because I can hear
them talking. I opened the door and go on in and walk back to the
bedroom where she is at. She turns around and sees me coming and her
face turns white. I knew she wasnt pregnant by Dave but she may have
been pregnant by someone else, that was the only thing stopping me from
hitting her. I say my piece to her then go back to Daves mom and dads
where Dave was waiting. I pick up my son and walk out and
return home. A few weeks go by before I let Dave come back home and
things seemed to get back to as normal as they could at that point.
When
Jr was in kindergarten my mom falls at work and breaks her leg. Months
go by and she is unable to keep him like she wanted to be able to.
Around October of that year me and my son start staying with her so she
can have some time with him. The weekend after thanksgiving we go to
her house for the weekend all is good until that Saturday night I
decide to smoke some weed. I take three hits and put it out, get up
aand go into the livingroom and pick up my laptop, when i look up I see
a huge bright yellow spot in front of my eyes and I start to panic. I
set my laptop back down and get up and go outside, wearing only a
t-shirt and short, no shoes or socks. I walk across gravel in my bare
feet and feel nothing. I sit in my moms car and start sweating, its the
first of December so it was very cold out but i was burning up. I
couldnt seem to get enough to drink but when I would drink anything it
made me sick. Mom tries to get me to go to the hospital but i refuse
and continue to sit in the car, I remember looking at the sky but felt
like I wasnt in my own body. I sit there for what seems like hours but
had actually been only 10 minutes.
I go back into the house
and ask mom if we can go to bed, the phone rings and I answer and its
dave, he asks me if we have heat and I said yeah why and he asked why
my voice was shaking so bad. I lay down on the couch and I am shaking
so hard that the whole couch is shaking with me. The next morning I ask
my mom to take me home. The following week I have several panic attacks
and stop eating completely but im still going places. The next Saturday
mom asks if she can keep Jr again and I tell her yes but I wasn't going
to stay. Me and Dave leave to go take our son back to my moms and
halfway there I go into another bad panic attack. When we get to moms
Dave gets out of the car and and starts walking to town, leaving me
stranded. At one point I get into our car but I am panicking so bad
that I cant pull out on the road. It took me three hours to get home
and I haven't left since. Dave has cheated again since then but ill
spare the details. We will never have the relationship we once did
because he has lost all of my trust.
